brainstorming: the impossible anti-porn

some time ago, a friend of mine had a business idea. not so original, i told him. some kind of a site with a list of preferred gifts, to be sent to the people you invite to your wedding, birthday etc. they are supposed to contribute as much as they want, and the gifts are purchased in descending preference order, as the money comes in. we turned it on all sides during one of our not-so-regular brainstorming sessions via ym for business ideas. he wanted it to be local and to offer its own products… anyhow, i was skeptic, and he was too lazy to do anything more than discussing.

today he was devastated: he found a local version of his unborn baby. a lousy imitation of what he had in mind, where the user had to provide links to items and online shops. nevertheless, it was obviously the same thing, without the offer of stuff  at ‘best prices’.

from here, we started another brainstorming, and something came out of it: what about a portal for wicked wish lists? you enter the target’s name – say, the ceo of bp, or obama, or ossama, or your boss, or your in-laws, and you can freely pick among options like * sudden death * cancer * crippling car accident * poison. and all your friends can also see the list and bring their own contribution. hmm. not so effective. so we thought of other anti-sites, distorted negatives of the great internet successes.

  • the anti-google. suppose you’re a biker, and you enter “bmw”. it would return anything else but bmw, i mean all the competitors – honda, kawasaki, yamaha…
  • the anti-e-bay, aka e-beg. there is no sale and auction and nobody buys anything. it would be only for junk, broken things, and those poor enough to want it would have to beg for it. instead of being dumped, each item would go to the most persistent beggar.
  • the anti-youtube.  for sharing illegible system files. no image or text, just system files you can open with notepad to see things like ~!@#$%^`1@#$56&7**( – you know. dll.
  • the MoIP. opposite of VoIP. you can communicate by signs, but no sound at all. no voice. m is for mute, of course.
  • the spam solicitor. providing an infinite number of addresses to all the spammers it can find. perhaps their own servers will eventually crash trying.

the most challenging was, of course, the anti-porn. if anyone finds an idea for this, it’s worth the nobel prize. anything you might put there – there will surely be a freak it turns on. even landscapes, i think. i can imagine a pervert aroused by mountains and lakes. the only thing i could come up with that would eventually kill the hardest dick is the endless option. works like this: the homepage asks if you want porn with women/men/both. you pick one of the options, it asks for the preferred age. young/mature/old. young? ok, race: caucasian/african/asian/any. then hair color: blond/brown/black. then skinny/normal/fat. blue/green/brown/black eyes. soft/hardcore. normal/pervert/sm/zoophilia/necrophilia. single/couple/group/any. etc. etc. etc. with loops to return to previous categories. of course, no porn whatsoever, not a single glimpse of a tit.

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